dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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