swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
