o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
