did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
