Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
