Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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