Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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