i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize