Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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