I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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