I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
