i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
