every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
