that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
