he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
