At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
