I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
