matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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