he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
