Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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