some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
