party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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