I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
