forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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