My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
