let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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