True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
