I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
