Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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