he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
