i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
