if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
