Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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