I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize