as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
