Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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