I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
