You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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