i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
