So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
