The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
