I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
