its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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