Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
