No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
