How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize