Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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