Is it normal to miss your booty call?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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