That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
