Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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