got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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