OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
