life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
