Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
