We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
your like the ambassador to my penis.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
