WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
