I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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