matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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