Umm I'm too high to move.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
