How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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