So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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