Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
