The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
