He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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