went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
