It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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