So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
