you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
