Ketchup is God's man juice
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
