fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There r osticjed everywhere
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
