im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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