it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
