I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
