They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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