I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
