Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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