I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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