I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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