fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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