I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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