your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
