shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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