i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
