My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
