I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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