3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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