dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
