He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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