I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
