Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
