and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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