I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
